Thursday, 22 September 2016

Nothing Is Impossible


An opportunity to grow. A second chance to embrace a life I once very much took for granted. A time to connect with others that share similar stories to my own, and a time to grieve all those new friends that haven't been as lucky as I have.  I don't know why I survived and they didn't. I cry for their partners, their children and their families but I know, given the chance, they would all want me to live the life I have been blessed with. I never thought that this is what my soul path would look like. I never thought I would be here in this moment, sitting in a plane. Im on my way home with my family after having the opportunity to create some wonderful memories.

As with most people, life goes on and people busy themselves again with work, family and friends, but for those that experience massive trauma something on the inside changes. Only those that go through this transition truly understand the cosmic collision of reality and the illusion of life that is sometimes played out like a Hollywood movie.  Drama becomes trivial and we no longer care for those that create it.  Only true friendships remain after the storm, and new relationships are based on wisdom, experience and clarity. The veils are lifted and what is left is a stark new reality of how those who have experienced trauma choose to live.

Take a tsunami as an example. The wave is a huge gush of emotion, it totally wipes just about everything out. Everyone rallies right after the disaster. Relief teams comes flooding in from everywhere to help. The people feel very cared for and supported, but it is short lived relief. After a time facilities have been put in place so people leave and get on with their lives. They are initially impacted by the tragedy but their own personal lives pretty much go on the same. However the people hit by the tsunami must rebuild. They must grief friends and family they may have lost. They have not only the practical to implement, some may even reassess their entire belief system. After all, what type of God would cause this much devastation in a persons life?

Rebuilding your mind, body and spirit takes time. Through personal experience I can tell you it takes years. You are left raw and vulnerable and grieving so many things that sometimes it's hard to know where to start. You have no choice but to change.  I don't expect others to understand or respect the decisions I make. My decision making can sometimes be viewed upon as cold and unforgiving but I am neither. I make decisions based on my circumstances to forge boundaries and protect myself.  I can only do this with the information and knowledge that I have in front of me. Tomorrow may bring new light to situations and as a person with integrity I will accept my indeficiencies as a human being and search for forgiveness if I have made mistakes. My health is and always will be a fine balance. My philosophy is simple. Treat me with kindness and understanding and I will show you the same respect.

We all have a story, and we all manage to survive it in our own way.  The last five years have been tough. Financially, medically, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It has redefined who I am. I have stepped into the person I was always supposed to be and it has been one tough initiation. So now I look to a future without fear of failure. For there is no such thing, only another day to begin again.

Michelle 

Saturday, 27 February 2016

The Spiritual Journey Had Nothing To Do With Being Nice.

This quote came up on my news-feed on Facebook this morning and got me to thinking.  There is still the belief that people expect you to be a tree hugging hippie because you are living a 'spiritual life'. It is like the shadow of religious dogma coming down on you again and people having the perception that because you believe in a higher consciousness that you should walk around being a 'nice' person. I'm not sure why they feel you should turn the other cheek and forgive unconditionally then diss you if you don't.  

From my experience, when you start to walk in your truth, when you decide to put boundaries in your life, when you start to honor your space first you may not appear to those around you like a nice person.  You may actually appear like a very selfish one. The reason this occurs is because you start to change and shift and people don't like that.  They either have to change themselves to continue to be a reflection of you or you leave them behind, which in turn can bring up lots of negative feelings for them.   There are plenty of victims in life and when you shine the light on their bad behavior or no longer tolerate their dramas then they feel they have no other option than to deflect the responsibility of their actions and bad mouth you.  Its like being voted off the Island on the game of Survivor! You can loose entire friendship circles, family members, work colleges. It can sometimes feel like a purging by fire only you do not come out Daenerys Targaryen and you are not the Mother of Dragons!

Instead  you are left with a lightness which can feel like a void. What are you going to possibly do with all this time now you don't have to sit there in drama?  You are going to get out and live the creative life you were born to live, that's what you are going to do. Find your purpose, reconnect with your spirit, do things that make you happy and love those important people in your life that make your heart smile.  Embrace the shadow side of yourself, for there is no Yin without Yang. Learn how to read your negative thoughts and pull them apart piece by piece until you locate the real reason why you feel like you do.  Self truth is an incredibly confronting thing and it pushes you out of your comfort zone.  Not everyone is ready for that, and that is why not everyone is ready to go on a 'spiritual journey'. I'm not going to lie, it can sometimes make you feel very alone especially around those special milestones when you realize that you no longer have enough genuine 'friends and family' to invite to fill a room to help you celebrate. 

If being real has lost me friends, then I know the one's I have gained since and continue to meet are the ones I allow to enter into my sacred space.  I still struggle and like all humans I have an inner craving to be accepted. The last six years of my life has seemed like a tidal wave, all the old was washed away and I am more confident with who I am and why I am here, and realize that I may not always appear to be 'nice', but I'm okay with that.