An opportunity to grow. A second chance to embrace a life I once very much took for granted. A time to connect with others that share similar stories to my own, and a time to grieve all those new friends that haven't been as lucky as I have. I don't know why I survived and they didn't. I cry for their partners, their children and their families but I know, given the chance, they would all want me to live the life I have been blessed with. I never thought that this is what my soul path would look like. I never thought I would be here in this moment, sitting in a plane. Im on my way home with my family after having the opportunity to create some wonderful memories.
As with most people, life goes on and people busy themselves again with work, family and friends, but for those that experience massive trauma something on the inside changes. Only those that go through this transition truly understand the cosmic collision of reality and the illusion of life that is sometimes played out like a Hollywood movie. Drama becomes trivial and we no longer care for those that create it. Only true friendships remain after the storm, and new relationships are based on wisdom, experience and clarity. The veils are lifted and what is left is a stark new reality of how those who have experienced trauma choose to live.
Take a tsunami as an example. The wave is a huge gush of emotion, it totally wipes just about everything out. Everyone rallies right after the disaster. Relief teams comes flooding in from everywhere to help. The people feel very cared for and supported, but it is short lived relief. After a time facilities have been put in place so people leave and get on with their lives. They are initially impacted by the tragedy but their own personal lives pretty much go on the same. However the people hit by the tsunami must rebuild. They must grief friends and family they may have lost. They have not only the practical to implement, some may even reassess their entire belief system. After all, what type of God would cause this much devastation in a persons life?
Rebuilding your mind, body and spirit takes time. Through personal experience I can tell you it takes years. You are left raw and vulnerable and grieving so many things that sometimes it's hard to know where to start. You have no choice but to change. I don't expect others to understand or respect the decisions I make. My decision making can sometimes be viewed upon as cold and unforgiving but I am neither. I make decisions based on my circumstances to forge boundaries and protect myself. I can only do this with the information and knowledge that I have in front of me. Tomorrow may bring new light to situations and as a person with integrity I will accept my indeficiencies as a human being and search for forgiveness if I have made mistakes. My health is and always will be a fine balance. My philosophy is simple. Treat me with kindness and understanding and I will show you the same respect.
We all have a story, and we all manage to survive it in our own way. The last five years have been tough. Financially, medically, emotionally, physically and spiritually. It has redefined who I am. I have stepped into the person I was always supposed to be and it has been one tough initiation. So now I look to a future without fear of failure. For there is no such thing, only another day to begin again.