Most of us make life so complicated, like a pressure cooker of expectations all thrown together in a massive soup of exhaustion and stress. Then all of a sudden, your body screams STOP and you have no choice because the Universe does it for you.
If you have ever been through a cancer journey, then you would understand the weight of getting through another year. I rarely announce it anymore, because those that don’t understand may look at the celebration as an opportunity of glorifying my own self-importance. Lots of people get through cancer right? Just get over it already. Quoting Kerwin Rae ‘ Your problems don’t make you special because everyone’s got them.’ *BTW actually a really good . The problem is, this is not like a cold or flu. You don’t just get over cancer and get on with life like it never happened.
The fall out from my surgery has been huge, more than anyone around me can appreciate let alone understand. Not only did I discover that I carry a genetic predisposition for gastrointestinal cancers, I have gone ahead and had preventative surgery to eliminate some of them. Do you know how many organs the human body can live without? I certainly do because I’m missing quite a few of them.
I never thought that becoming a Light-worker would be quite so literal. I joke about being a pure chancel of light and that the only thing they cannot surgically remove is my sense of humor. I even like to tell people if I was abducted by aliens they would transport me back thinking they’d accidentally picked up one of their own!
So lets fast forward to 2018. This was the first year in 7 years (colonoscopy/endoscopy excluded) that I did not have to go under any major anesthetics. I managed to keep all my organs and only lost a few nasty polyps, good riddance to those. Then in November I started to develop tinnitus. A constant ringing in my ears that would drive anyone crazy. One night I went to bed and the ON switch in my brain got stuck.
If there is one thing that my cancer and gastrectomy taught me it was to be my own advocate. To be aware that there are many options out there to try and to never give up if one thing doesn’t work. Even when the experts in the field tell you ‘There is nothing further we can do, go home and learn to live with it.’ I consider myself a walking miracle so if I can find my way through to a solution then I will do everything I can to find it. I have become a seeker.
Not all questions can be answered with Western medical solutions and other times we have to wait for technology to catch up. In the meantime, it is important to find new ways of being. If this new condition has taught me anything it is that I really need to look after myself more. Its like a forced holiday but with self-care. I now sleep with BOSS Sleep buds. An expensive but necessary part of keeping my sanity. I have been meditating, soaking my feet in epson salts, fine tuning my supplements and giving myself time to ground my feet in the Earth and sit in nature.
Being your own best advocate also means being pro-active. Go to the doctor, have all the required tests. Anxiety and PTSD in cancer patients can take an enormous toll on your mental health and well-being. To many sleepless nights and I know I am unable to function as a human being. Seek help where you need it but do not look to others for the answers. Sometimes its about listening to your own inner voice and following your intuition.
Remembering each experience, good or bad is just an experience. If you can learn what works for you then you can share your findings with others. Sometimes just having one person who understands you can make all the difference in the world.
I do not understand why this is happening to me now, but I can tell you it is making me step out of my comfort zone and forcing me to seek out new and different things. It is hard work, annoying, frustrating and uncomfortable because I like routine, organization and knowing what tomorrow is going to bring. I’m not going to lie, when this first started it completely sucked the sparkle out of me and I just managed to grab hold before I went into an uncontrolled tail spin of depression.
I have to remind myself that every time I am forced to jump in feet first I learn something incredibly new about myself. As Gabby Bernstein suggests there are many moments where obstacles are opportunities to see things differently and I choose to see this as a detour in the right direction.
The Universe has my back!