Monday, 16 October 2017

Fearing Success

I was reminded last week that when we fear success we actually block it from happening. This can happen with so many things that our hearts desire. Loosing weight, a loving relationship, a fantastic career.

We find subtle ways (and not so subtle ways) to self sabotage so we don't reach that success.  Why? Personally, I feel its because we don't like to embrace change.  Perhaps we think we do,  but when we get down to the nuts and bolts most of us like living in our familiar comfortable discomfort. Maybe loosing weight will make you feel and look more attractive. This might make you unconsciously uncomfortable. In your mind you don't know how you are going to deal with accepting compliments or maybe you are afraid of attracting the wrong attention.  So a cycle begins. A committed week of 3 gym sessions and monitoring every morsel ends with a big piece of cake and a large glass of wine.  You deserved it right? We can justify this sabotage because we look at it as a reward.  

My fear of success stems from the feeling  that I actually don't deserve it. This has been reinforced throughout my life by others who have taken it upon themselves to put me down (probably just stemming from their own insecurities). From my younger years as a ballet dancer, to my short drama career, a massage therapist to finally finding my creative outlet through art. It gets embedded into your psyche even though as an adult I logically see things for what they are. 
How many of you have positive affirmations that you look at daily? How many self help books have you read (or have sitting on your bedside table collecting dust.) How many courses have you done and yet you are still the perpetual student. Until you step out of fear and actually start to implement everything into your life they are just words not worth the paper they are written on. This in itself makes me want to take the horse by the reins.

I have come to realize that if I don't step through my fear and just let go of controlling the outcome then how can I possibly inspire other people? By simply blogging about this it might light the spark in someone else. What if I had decided to just keep all this in my head this morning and go on with my day?

Being a creative, emotional critter I wear my heart on my sleeve. A nasty comment can have me retreating back into my shell quicker than a tortoise being poked with a stick. My reality is I have had an extremely hard life. If every sin carries its own punishment then I have worked through life times of karma this time around. This has made me a sensitive soul, and I have to be very vigilant in protecting my sovereign space.  Stepping out onto the stage leaves me open and vulnerable to the opinions and judgment of others.   My adult self is very encouraging and fully supportive, my inner child however is teetering around the edges of the pool (and has been for a while).  

If I jump in what is life going to look like on the other side of success?  I'm not really sure yet but I'm about to leap in and see.   3, 2, 1 JUMP !